Why I Have a Love/Hate Relationship with 'Kingdom Hearts'

Confession: I am terrible at playing video games. There are only a handful of games I’ve actually completed, and most of them are from the Lego franchise. I get frustrated when games are complicated or the boss levels are almost impossible to beat. I’ll be the first to admit I like easy games--games like Animal Crossing where I can’t lose or Roller Coaster Tycoon where I can just have fun. (Though, I still stress myself playing Roller Coaster Tycoon because I’m worried I won’t reach the objective by the end of the time limit due to tiny, whiny avatars that complain about everything.)

But that doesn’t mean I won’t try to play harder games. I do, and I usually end up screaming and hitting random buttons. Take for instance, the Attack on Titan game. I cannot for the life of me play that game without screaming because I'm afraid a Titan will grab me and eat me. Or Sly Cooper. Those games have some of the worst mini-game type levels, and I have yet to complete one of the games because I cannot survive. (And plenty of frustrated groaning follows.)

Then there’s Kingdom Hearts.

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I first played Kingdom Hearts about ten years ago when I received a used copy of the first game for Christmas. I fell in love immediately. I mean, it was a game all about Disney worlds where you team up with Disney characters. How could I not love it? Plus, the story lines and the new characters are all amazing too. Then I received Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories, played it for a short time, and gave up because I didn’t understand how the game worked. I borrowed Kingdom Hearts 2 and Birth by Sleep from a friend and mostly beat those.

Recently, I’ve been playing Kingdom Hearts HD 2.8 Final Chapter Prologue, which consists mainly of Dream Drop Distance. It’s been so fun. I’ve loved the worlds and the story line. I like the Dream Eater buddies and that I can play as Sora and Riku. But I still find issues with the game, as I do with every Kingdom Hearts game thus far.

First, Dream Drop Distance functions with two storylines that crisscross throughout each level. You start as Sora and you have a “drop gauge” that is basically a timer. So for a certain amount of time you go through the levels as Sora until the meter runs out. Then it “drops” you, and you switch to Riku, play through the levels until that meter runs out, and switch. On and on. Which is cool because, as I said before, I can play as both. But it’s also irritating because just when I get going in the level, get used to the commands on Sora’s list and the Dream Eaters I’ve paired with Sora, I drop and have to rethink my entire fighting style. In addition, without fail, I always drop while I’m in the middle of a battle, which means when I drop the next time and pick back up I’m immediately thrown into a frenzy. It’s been stressful. (I also hate that if you leave a “room” or location in a world, usually by accident, and return all the bad guys return and you have to fight them three, four, ten times as you try to figure out where you’re going and/or collect all those dumb treasure chests!)

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In addition, some of the controls of Dream Drop Distance annoy me as well. While the reality shifts are cool, they are hard for me to do because no matter how I hit the circle and triangle button, it always does a command instead of reality shift at least twice before I can hit them correctly. I don’t know if it’s my fingers, the controller, or how the game works, but I get easily frustrated trying to do that function. Also, I always forget I can link-up with my Dream Eaters, so I never use those power-ups, which is a shame because they’re really cool. #wastedpotential (I also like to not pay attention when I’m learning a new skill, so I’m poking around the level going “What do I do!??!” for way too long. That one, however, is on me.)

But the aspect of every Kingdom Hearts game that annoys me the most are the boss levels. Normally the boss levels in the earlier worlds aren’t so bad. As long as my skill level is higher than the level, which it usually is because I like to waste time finding collectibles instead of following the main story line, I’m good. But when I get to the final level with the big boss (usually Xenahort or Ansem or whoever), I get mad. Mainly because I can’t win easily. I have to actually think about the buttons I’m pressing and pay attention to the pattern of the boss’ fighting style. I hate when I get hit a single time and my health drops significantly or when I hit the command for “cure” and Sora or Riku just stand there like an idiot and do nothing (or get hit again by the boss and I die).

Then, after I finally beat the boss after several attempts (and I’ve probably thought about chucking the controller across the room or I’ve laid on the floor and muttered angry curses at the TV), guess what happens next? You have to fight another boss, or the same boss again only this time he’s stronger. And that’s when I get enraged. You’re telling me I just defeated this dude with several health gauges and gave my all and I have to do it again for a bigger boss? Nah, man. Nah. I don’t want that. I want to defeat a boss and move on.

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This has been the case for every Kingdom Hearts game I’ve played so far. While I haven’t played them all, I can’t imagine this pattern would change too much. This is the main reason I never finished Birth By Sleep. I finished the story line for Ventus, but I got to the final boss with Terra and Aqua and could not for the life of me defeat the bad guy. (And since I was borrowing the PSP and game from someone, I had to give it back at some point.)

In addition, after I finished the baddies of Dream Drop Distance, becoming so angry that I was pumping with an adrenaline rush, the game didn’t end. It didn’t end. I still had to play more. And I wanted to scream. Because I already spent way too long wandering the final world with Sora trying to figure out where to go when I just had to jump off the other side of a building rooftop to continue and then fight an annoying bad guy. And then I had to continue?! Nah, man. Nah.

So while I love Kingdom Hearts with my whole heart because the worlds are fantastic and the interactions with Disney characters are exciting, I do get frustrated with the games. Does that mean I’ll stop playing them? Does that mean I’ll give up and never finish? No. I will play. I will finish. I’ll just get super mad about it and scream while I smack the bad guy in the face with my Keyblade.

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What video games frustrate you? 

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The 8 Greatest Video Game Sidekicks

As a gamer, especially as an RPG gamer, I've come across a few terrible NPCs (non-playable characters) to say the least. But, there have always been a good amount of excellent sidekicks in the video game realm. Here are some of the best. 

GLaDOS from Portal 

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Sidekick support: No support, really. Just provides comedic relief in the most hateful way possible.

She’s actually the antagonist of the series. Still, her comedic timing and clever quips make up for her many attempts to kill you, especially since she’s the only one you stay in contact with throughout the entire game. In a way, it's sort of endearing, right? Eh. Maybe not. Though, the amusement factor does help her case tremendously.

Mickey from Kingdom Hearts 

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Sidekick support: Second chance and a reliable healer.

Odd, because at least for the first Kingdom Hearts, the AI wasn’t all that advanced and you usually had your sidekicks (*ahem* Donald) rarely help in battle. They would heal you directly AFTER you healed yourself or die within the first two attacks. I'm not bitter. No, not bitter at all.

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But the game developers put special care into Mickey (and Riku!). In Kingdom Hearts II, he was the one who would swoop in when Sora died and you had a brief period of time where you controlled him. With all those flips and all that agility, it felt like controlling Yoda. He was even better in Kingdom Hearts 0.2 Birth by Sleep when he fought alongside Aqua. He did a great deal of damage (yeahhh, there was a time when I just sat back and watched him hack away at that life bar) and saved me more times than I expected.

Navi from The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time 

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Sidekick support: Information.

Uh, did I say best? I meant worst for this one. No, no. She was fine. Anyone who has played Zelda knows that Link comes across a variety of companions. Navi, the fairy friend in Ocarina of Time is extremely informative, unless you’ve played the game for the 100th time, then she just becomes annoying. I’m tempted to add Midna instead of Navi, but part of me is pleased by the fact that I might trigger some people’s dumbfounded wondering over why I put Navi on my list.

Miles "Tails" Prower from Sonic the Hedgehog

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Sidekick support: Two player ability and air support.

I kind of want to include Knuckles here, just because the later Sonic games had him as your sidekick and he was awesome, but the nostalgic side of me, the younger side, the one who had Sonic and Tails, definitely wants to say Tails is the best sidekick. I remember always wanting to try out Tails, at least once because, heck, he could fly!!

Personas From the Persona series

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Sidekick support: A manifested personality that evolves from social choices and battle. Also, gives you the ability to fight unseen monsters.

Okay, okay. I have NOT yet played Persona 5 (I know! What a crime.), but I have played Persona 3 and greatly enjoyed it. Two particular characteristics carry over in all Persona games: that your manifested personality, your persona, is affected by social choices throughout the game, and that both shadows (enemies) and personas are broken into tarot card categories, each with their own strengths, depending on real world and shadow world interactions.

Summons from the Final Fantasy series

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Sidekick support: Depending on the series, they could be a form of worship and/or resurrection (FFXV) or perhaps even a connection to the dead and ultimate weapon for the big bad (FFX), but really they’re just beasts/gods/critters you use to battle monsters. Chocobos are included! They have been used as summons before.

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Summons and chocobos have appeared in the Final Fantasy series since Final Fantasy III and Final Fantasy II respectively. Summons are ALWAYS a powerful attack, no matter the game, and later, usually have stunning cinematics to accompany them. Besides, the summons tend to repeat throughout the series, yet differ ever so slightly from game to game. Hm, are all final fantasies parallel universes?

Elizabeth from BioShock Infinite

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Sidekick support: Emotional investment, complements main character’s personality, and is actually useful.

Bioshock Infinite was brilliant in many ways, one of them being the AI companion that follows you throughout the series, Elizabeth. Finally, a sidekick that doesn't typically die within the first 3 minutes of battle.

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Though I won’t delve into the spoiler territory, I will say that having Elizabeth by your side adds not only to the story as a whole but also the gameplay. There are certain instances in the game where Elizabeth will find coins on the ground and chuck them towards you. Thankfully, Booker is a pretty good catch. Again, not venturing into spoiler territory, but she's a key piece of the plot and quite the interesting character.

Pocket/Digital “Monsters” from Pokémon and Digimon

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Sidekick support: Best friend! Has emotional/cuddle/battle support.

How could I NOT add Pokémon for best sidekicks? Who wouldn’t want a gaggle of monsters you could carry around in your “pocket” to battle friends or total strangers? I mean, you were able to choose a starter Pokémon, making it seem interesting to say the least. Who would ever trade their starter? There’s a sense of loyalty there.

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I also want to add digimon to this list as well. I mean, to have a monster that's tailored to your specific personality and needs, that you could connect with whenever you’re on the internet. After all, we’re always connected to the internet anyway, so you could basically see them 24/7.

Having an NPC that is informative, provides battle support, and contributes to the story and heart of the game is always welcome. They simply make the experience much more enjoyable and feed my fangirl heart, at the very least.

What's your favorite video game sidekick?

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One Sky, One Destiny: A Kingdom Hearts Concert Experience

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If you know me at all, you understand that I have a burning passion for a video game called Kingdom Hearts. While it has an engaging (and if I'm being at all honest, convoluted) storyline and extremely fun gameplay, it's also filled level to level and cutscene to cutscene with an abundance of phenomenal music. Sure, sure. You probably think, this is a video game, so all music in the game acts as rhythmic background noise, but that's simply untrue, as confirmed when I went to the Final Fantasy: A New World concert.

Kingdom Hearts is no different. Yoko Shimomura, the composer for the KH soundtrack, puts her entire being into her work, which she’s admitted countless times. What she’s done for the music of this much beloved series has continued to enchant and impress.

So, when Joey, a long-time friend of mine, and I heard that there would be a Kingdom Hearts concert called World Tour in the States (New York City, to be exact), we jumped at the opportunity. Now, in case you are unaware, this concert wasn’t originally supposed to happen. In fact, Joey and I were intending to purchase tickets for the Saturday Kingdom Hearts concert, but we still needed to talk logistics and understand exactly what we would need to save up. Thus, we waited. And waited. And waited some more. By the time we were prepared to purchase our tickets, we found that they were all sold out (cue waves of desolation). As the months passed and I continued to get notifications about the upcoming World Tour KH concert, I kept saying to myself that there would be another, I just had to be patient.

It didn't take long. I was on Reddit one day and saw that World Tour had added another showing the day before its original time and date! At that moment, I called Joey and begged him to consider going with me. He immediately demanded we snatch those tickets up.

Obviously, everything worked out, and though we had to make it through the scores of New Yorkers, the dreaded Friday night traffic, and the frustratingly extensive bag check in front of the United Palace Theatre, we finally sat down to enjoy one of the most surreal moments of my life, a Kingdom Hearts concert complete with a piano, full orchestra, and a choir.

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One of the first songs they played was "Dearly Beloved," which was an obvious choice, since it's actually the first song you hear when you play the game. Not to mention that it's absolutely gorgeous. In fact, it has a way of evoking two contradictory, yet complementary emotions. The song starts with a powerful rise of notes, backed by the gentle tangs of the piano. What’s most interesting about this song is that holds the essence of nostalgia. While one chord plunges into melancholy and gives the listener a feeling of overwhelming loss, the other ascends to a much lighter, hopeful tone. "Dearly Beloved" has and will forever be one of my favorite tracks simply because it captures the feeling of childhood, that undeniable yearning for the younger years, something that you can never gain back, yet is something that makes you feel undeniably unafraid for the future and still puts a smile on your face.

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They also included songs like "Treasured Memories," "Daybreak Town," and "Twilight Town," which are all beautiful compositions, but they also played some of the most heavily evocative songs, like "Vector to the Heavens," a song that focuses on Xion and her sacrifice. Not going to lie, I started to tear up a bit. I especially had major feels when "Hikari" and "Passion" came up! AHH! They truly were heavenly. Of course, all of the songs drew some kind of emotion from me.

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There were also songs that were downright heart-pumping, "Destati" being one of them. It's a song that calls for greatness from the player by starting with a sudden, violent rise from the choir and an intense trill! It's a song that expresses both the intrigue of adventure and the fearful expectations of destiny. Something that makes you go, “I have no choice but to fight.” Interestingly enough, it makes you feel small yet strong at the same time.

Another exciting song was "Fate of the Unknown." I may have squealed a bit too much at its inclusion. The fast-paced tempo coupled with the subtle rise of all the instruments was beyond amazing! My eardrums bled with euphoria. All the brass added to the score was an excellent touch, especially when there were moments of absolute epic Birth by Sleep cutscenes playing on the screen behind the orchestra.

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Then, they did something I hadn't anticipated. They played the newest Kingdom Hearts III trailer and a little later, "Wave of Darkness." Holy mother of hearts, that song has become one of my favorites. "Wave of Darkness" is a battle song that is used during Aqua’s boss fight in Kingdom Hearts 0.2 Birth by Sleep. It’s something that encapsulates the epic nature of KH as well as Aqua’s constant struggle in the realm of darkness. The tumbling, downward spiral of the piano in the background paired with the jazzy labyrinthine way in which the orchestra plays alongside the sound of a violin. Oh, it was gorgeous.

But it wasn't all tears and heart-stopping battle themes, there was also tons of laughter. One of the most hilarious moments happened when during the battle music compilation, in between two of the themes, there was a split second where the orchestra played "Atlantica" but then quickly transitioned to something else. If you're NOT a KH fan, know that "Atlantica" is usually the least favorite world to visit. To say the least, it caused the entire auditorium to ripple into a state of applause and laughter.

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Then, there was a moment in which the auditorium's lighting was having technical difficulties and there was an announcement that politely apologized for the inconvenience and said that the audience would have have to wait momentarily for the fix. Almost immediately after, someone shouted, “It’s okay. We’re used to waiting!”, to which the entire group erupted into hysterical laughter. We're still unsure when the Kingdom Hearts III release date will be.

However, the BEST part of the concert came near the end. The conductor took up a keyblade baton and had Yoko Shimomura come out and play the piano for the concert's encore. Her dexterous fingers played brilliantly (no surprise) and brought most of us to tears. But, it got better still. She quickly left, without so much as a bow, and came back with Tetsuya Nomura, the game's director!! I couldn't believe it. I was breathing the same air as the man who helped bring Kingdom Hearts into existence.

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Later, as Joey and I struck up conversation with a few people from the concert, one of them commented that she wasn't expecting to feel as many feels as she did. Agreed! Every single song had a different meaning for me. A different way of feeling. Kingdom Hearts is, at its core, about friendship and about emotion. It's no wonder that a concert filled with its music brings such amazing responses. It was made even more magical by the fact that everyone in that auditorium felt that same pang of nostalgia, that same childhood excitement, and that same hope for something more. Our hearts are connected, indeed.

Kingdom Hearts is not only a video game, it's a reminder to make mistakes, to listen to your heart, to build strong relationships, and to remember the past, but not so much that it hinders your future.

Have you been to or thought about going to any fandom concerts?

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What Kingdom Hearts Has Taught Me

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WARNING: This post contains spoilers for the Kingdom Hearts series
For about a week now, my mind has randomly started repeating quotes like, “There’s no way you’re taking Kairi’s heart” and “It is I, Ansem, the Seeker of Darkness” in preparation for a very special occasion. Kingdom Hearts is celebrating its 15th anniversary on March 28th, 2017, which is also the release day of Kingdom Hearts 1.5 + 2.5, a collection that includes Kingdom Hearts, Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories, Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days, Kingdom Hearts 2, Kingdom Hearts: Birth By Sleep, and Kingdom Hearts Re:coded (phew, that's a lot). It's a perfect package for those who want to either relive their childhood or catch up with the series before Kingdom Hearts 3 comes out.

Of course, I'll be picking up my copy when the time comes because Kingdom Hearts is my favorite series of all time. Part of the reason why it's my favorite is that it taught me valuable life lessons, so I’m honoring it today by listing quotes accompanied by the lessons I've learned.

Sora: "Although my heart may be weak, it's not alone. It's grown with each new experience. And it's found a home with all the friends I've made. I've become a part of their heart, just as they've become a part of mine. And if they think of me now and then, if they don't forget me, then our hearts will be one. I don't need a weapon. My friends are my power!”

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Even after you move away, lose contact, or take another path in life, there is still something unexplained that connects you with the ones you care about, and that love is THE most powerful force in the universe.

Sora: "A promise I made to Naminé to keep her safe. Maybe my memories are fake. But the promise is real to me. That's why--I'll keep it."

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Sora: "Kairi, remember what you said before? I'm always with you, too! I'll come back to you. I promise!”

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Always keep your promises.

Kairi’s Grandmother: "So, listen, child. Even in the deepest darkness, there will always be a light to guide you. Believe in the light, and the darkness will never defeat you.”

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Riku: "What are you making me choose now?"
DiZ: "Between the road to light and the road to darkness."
Riku: "Neither suits me. I'm taking the middle road."
DiZ: "Do you mean the twilight road to nightfall?"
Riku: "No. It’s the road to dawn."

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No matter how many mistakes you've made, there’s always a way back from the darkness; in fact, your struggles make you stronger.

Roxas: “Sora. You're lucky. Looks like my summer vacation is... over.”

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Sometimes you must say goodbye to your “summer vacations,” your wants and needs, for the greater good. You learn in time that life isn’t always fair, and that's okay.

Sora: "I know the Keyblade didn't choose me, and I don't care. I'm proud to be a small part of something bigger..."

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You can make a difference, even if you see yourself as ordinary or unworthy.
Ansem the Wise: "So many are still waiting for their new beginning, their birth by sleep. Even me... and even you."

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You must learn to be patient and to never lose hope.

Roxas: "Xion! Who else will I have ice cream with?!"

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Axel: "What's your problem? You both... think you can do whatever you want. Well I'm sick of it. Go on, you just keep running. But I'll always be there to bring you back!"

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Nobodies can be somebodies. You may think that you're a misfit, but there are those out there who will understand you.

Sora: “Just stop it!! You treat people’s hearts like bottles on a shelf, but they’re not. Hearts are made of the people we meet and how we feel about them. They’re what ties us together even when we’re apart. They’re what...makes me strong!”

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You should never treat people like they’re objects. Rather than use them, cherish them.

Riku: “Are you what's trapping him in that nightmare? 'Cause if you are... I'm what nightmares fear!”

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You should always help out your friends and stick by them. Protect them at all cost.

The Master of Masters: “May your heart be your guiding key”

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Listen to your heart. Sometimes it may lead you astray, but if you never try, then you'll never know.

Aqua: "The battle for the realm of light... is not won. Thanks to Terra and Mickey, I know what's at stake. I'm not afraid. I will face the long darkness. The next time someone wanders into the realm of darkness, I'll be here. A light to cut through all the shadows. I will be their wayfinder. And one day, I'll return to Terra and Ven. I am Master Aqua. And that's a promise."

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Believe in yourself because persistence pays off.  

And lastly, I leave you with this last quote:

Kairi: "Thinking of you, wherever you are. We pray for our sorrows to end, and hope that our hearts will blend. Now I will step forward to realize this wish. And who knows: starting a new journey may not be so hard, or maybe it has already begun. There are many worlds, and they share the same sky - one sky, one destiny."

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Though it may sound silly to some, fandoms help shape a person. And if I had to pick one fandom that influenced me the most, it would have to be Kingdom Hearts. It taught me to be understanding and treat others with kindness. Because when we get down to it, no matter our race, religion, gender, or nationality, we're all connected and part of something greater than ourselves. 

What has Kingdom Hearts taught you?

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A Fangirl's Explanation of Love Types

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When it comes to complex concepts, language fails us. It especially fails us when we look at the concept of love. English just doesn't do it justice. After all, the Ancient Greeks had many different words for such an important emotion. The main four are Eros, Philia, Storge, and Agape, and I'll be using all types of fandom to describe the distinctions.

1) Eros

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Eros is often defined as physical desire. I couldn't think of a better representation of this than Shimoneta: A Boring World Where the Concept of Dirty Jokes Doesn't Exist, an anime that's premise is all about the Japanese government censoring inappropriate material and repressing sexual desire. A group of erotica-terrorists rise up in order to stop them. As one might expect, there are quite a few examples of Eros.

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However, Eros isn't always about physical attraction. It is also a desire to appreciate beauty and is the initial draw one might feel for another. If you’ve watched Yuri!!! on Ice, you can't help but be captivated by the various ice skating routines, especially Yuri's performance entitled (you got it) Eros. His movements and the background music captures Eros perfectly.

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Eros is also that trembling, fluttering, almost manic feeling a person first gets when he/she falls in love. It’s the love that makes someone lose their appetite and see that other person in an idealistic way. In D.N.Angel, the main character, Daisuke, changes into his alter-ego, Dark, if he so much as gets too close to his crush and feels even a stirring of Eros. 

2) Philia 

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Philia is all about the bromance/womance. It’s the feeling you have for a “brother in arms." Philia is at the heart and soul of Final Fantasy XV. I mean, the game is about four bros on one grand adventure. By the end of the game, the player sees how much the guys appreciate each other and that they're stronger together because they've been through so much.

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Philia is also a love that you can choose. In Voltron: Legendary Defender, the Paladins are far, far away from home, so they don’t have their relatives close by. Over the course of the show, they become a team and a family.

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Lastly, Philia is all about making a connection through shared experiences. The perfect example of Philia is shown in Kingdom Hearts, which is about Sora's connection with everyone he meets. Philia, and Kingdom Hearts' main message, means that no matter the distance, you hold your friends in your heart. It means that friendship is a power that cannot be rivaled.

3) Storge 

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Storge is the love of community or family. It’s usually seen as a type of love between a parent and a child. A good example of Storge love is in Saga, an adult graphic novel. Saga’s story centers on the bond of family and the undying love one feels for his/her child. Two parents must risk it all to find a better place for their daughter to live and thrive.

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Storge isn’t always about a parent and child. It can also include the love between siblings, just like in Caraval by Stephanie Garber. This novel is about a girl named Scarlett who will doing anything in her power to save her sister. The reader sees just how far Scarlett will go to save her family.

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Storge can also be a dutiful kind of affection. An example of this can be seen in the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series by Rick Riordan. Time and again, we are reminded that demigods must complete the tasks of their parents. But this sense of duty to the gods is questioned throughout the series. As the reader continues, he/she realizes that the gods' “lack of affection” isn’t always what it seems.

4) Agape

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Agape is the purest form of love because it is unconditional. If a person experiences Agape, they will go to great lengths in order to protect the one they love. I can’t help but think about Joyce Byers in Stranger Things. Once she realizes that her son is missing, she never once gives up the search to find him.

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Agape is also a mature love, in that a person loves no matter the circumstances and sees beyond another person's flaws and appearance. This is definitely true of Belle in Beauty and the Beast. She grows to love the Beast for who he is, not for what he looks like.

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Finally, Agape is when one is willing to sacrifice his/her own values and desires, even his/her own life, all for the other person or for other people. Final Fantasy X has a few instances of this. (Highlight for spoilers.) Yuna is a summoner tasked with defeating Sin, but in order to do so she must make the ultimate sacrifice for the greater good and give her life to perform the Final Summoning so that she can defeat Sin and restore a temporary peace to Spira. Yuna considers others before herself and will do anything to stop Sin's spiral of death and destruction.

From Eros to Agape, Fandoms are complex and include all versions of love. They deal with a range of emotion and complicated concepts, making it easier for us to understand ourselves and our world. 

What other fandoms illustrated the different kinds of love?

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