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Dorian Gray is OP. Plz nerf... |
1. Medea
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How badly did he ruin her life? "She was cursed to blindly love a man she had never seen just because he was favored by the goddess of beauty, which led to her being forced to betray her own father and country ... and cut apart her own brother and throw the pieces into the sea to escape her native country."
Dark. So, uh, yeah the portrayal of her as an evil, empty, magic-using husk of a human being in the series is pretty accurate. What's even worse is that they also made an alternative timeline version of her where she doesn't meet Jason and grows up normal and happy. Well played, Fate, and way to pull on the heartstrings a little.
Accuracy: 9/10
2. Gilgamesh
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He also uses his personal treasures as projectile weapons, which isn't all that authentic, so he's not getting as many points as Medea, but the effort is noted.
Accuracy: 7/10
3. Florence Nightingale
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Wait, what?
Yes, you read that correctly: Florence Nightingale is a berserker. I'm not sure if this was intentional or some poor intern didn't translate something right, but either way it's impressive. As a berserker, her limit break is called "Nightingale Pledge" and requires that she "sublimate" her convictions about killing so that she can attack up to 100 people with a giant sword! This is just straight from the wiki, folks, I couldn't make this up if I wanted to.
"I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways, by force." |
Accuracy: 3/10
4. Julius Caesar
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On second glance, though, what is going on with his outfit? Is that a toga ... suit ... combo ... thing? Fat Caesar clearly doesn't play by the rules and with his arms outstretched he dares anyone to question what on earth is going on here. He gets some points for having the toga and the laurels, I guess. Kind of makes you wonder how else the Japanese could further degrade the Roman Empire though.
Accuracy: 5/10
5. Nero
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What makes this even worse is that Nero is saber class, which is supposed to be the most powerful class in the series. Real life Nero had like zero combat ability and preferred playing music and writing bad poetry to actually ruling. He ruled so badly that the empire rebelled against his excesses and had him killed, plunging Rome into civil war.
But no, Fate, you're right: he's totally a good person and a heroic spirit. I can only assume that the genderflipped Joseph Stalin and Kim Jong-Un DLC is incoming.
Accuracy: 1/10
6. Quetzalcoatl
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This design reminds me of all of the sexy Halloween costumes that pop up around the holiday. Clearly, the character designer here was really trying to make some sort of Buzzfeed top 10 list. Hey girls, you've been a sexy nurse, but why not be a sexy feathered serpent who is capable of devouring men whole? What could be more Halloween than requiring blood sacrifices to ensure that the sun will continue to rise?
And yes, I'm aware that Quetzalcoatl had a human form, but unless those Vikings were way better explorers than we give them credit for, there's no way blondes end up in ancient Mesoamerica.
Accuracy: 4/10
7. Oda Nobunaga
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Yeah, I gotta be honest, this pretty much sums up the current state of Japanese culture. Japan would totally make one of its most revered historical figures into a small girl for the sake of garnering sales in a mobile game. Hirohito's empire is gone and in its place is kawaii, anime, and youth idol culture. Nobunaga's ambition, given this design, is probably to pass algebra and pick out a homecoming dress rather than create a unified Japan.
But hey, she's got a sword and has some sort of military garb on. And at least it's not weirdly sexualized like some of the other ones on this list, so I feel like I can in good conscience give it a pas--
"But Scott, there's a swimsuit edition."
Every day we stray further from God's light |
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Four words I thought I'd never have to type: Oda Nobunaga swimsuit edition.
Yeah, that's it, I'm done. I award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul.
You win, Fate. I can't look at this anymore. I guess this isn't going to be the thing that unites history geeks and classics nerds under a common banner of spectacle and wanton violence. But if anyone wants to Kickstarter the project that will, you've got at least one backer.
What other series do you know that have "unique" views on history? Sound off in the comments section below.
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