Spooky Classics to Read This Halloween

It's finally October, which means it's perfectly acceptable to start preparations for Halloween. What better way to get in the mood than to indulge in spooky stories? Scary movies and books by authors like Stephen King are popular and the usual go-to for a creeptastic story, but what about something a little older, a little more classic? After all, these books are the first of their kind, the ones that started the horror and Gothic genres. Here are several spooky classics you should definitely read for Halloween this year.

Frankenstein by Mary Shelley

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This list would be incomplete without the king (or queen?) of Gothic horror, Frankenstein! One of the most iconic stores in pop culture, it would be hard to find someone who doesn't know the story of Victor Frankenstein and his monster, even if they haven't read the original novel. This book was written on a dare and aims to define what it means to be a monster.

The Island of Doctor Moreau by H.G. Wells

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Similar to Frankenstein, The Island of Doctor Moreau is more science-fiction than horror, but it definitely dives into the horrific. Shipwrecked on an island, the main character encounters Dr. Moreau, who is known for vivisecting animals in order to create hybrid creatures. It sounds eerie and weird, which is the perfect way to give you chills.

The Phantom of the Opera by Gaston Leroux

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You may be familiar with this story due to the highly popular musical by Andrew Lloyd Weber. Which is fine, but if you want another version of the story--one with torture chambers, a police detective's search, and less music (though, why would you want that, I cannot fathom)--read the original book. It's a little different in the narration and not nearly as glamorous or gorgeous, but it's interesting.

Dracula by Bram Stoker

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Just like with Frankenstein, a list on horror classics wouldn't be complete without Dracula by Bram Stoker. The popularity of this novel and its influence on pop culture is why we have the vampire lore we know today (aside from Twilight's sparkly vampires). It's all sorts of creepy and sinister with mysterious "sicknesses" and shadowed figures stalking people. If you've never read the original story, you definitely should, followed by a viewing of Nosferatu or the 1931 Dracula film starring Bela Lugosi.

"The Vampyre" by John William Polidori

If you like Dracula, you might want to go back a step further to John Polidori's short story, "The Vampyre," which is thought to be one of the first stories to pull together the different elements of vampirism into one coherent story. The true father of vampires, "The Vampyre" is an eerie story that laid the groundwork for other stories, such as Dracula, to be born. I personally think that someone should make this short story into a film, bringing back these kinds of vampires and casting Benedict Cumberbatch in the part of Lord Ruthven (who is the vampire).

Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë

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If monsters and vampires aren't your thing but you like ghost stories, Wuthering Heights might be right up your alley. Set on the lonely moors of England, Wuthering Heights is a tragic love story that might just leave you seeing ghosts... or worse.

H.P. Lovecraft's Short Stories

Regarded as one of the most significant horror writers of the 20th century, H.P. Lovecraft never received recognition for his work while he was alive. So basically, you should go read his horror short stories to make up for what he missed out on.

Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson

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Like Frankenstein and Dracula, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde is a well-known tale. The story is actually pretty short and easy to follow. The main plot of the book, the mystery of "Who is Hyde?," loses it's effect because of pop culture's familiarity with the story. Still, it's interesting to read the original to understand where we get such a classic reference.

Edgar Allan Poe's Stories and Poems

Poe is known for his spooky, sometimes creepy and definitely mad stories and poems. Whether you choose to read "The Raven" and "The Tell-Tale Heart" or "The Cask of Amontillado" or "Annabel Lee," you're sure to experience a frightful delight at Poe's words. The best solution is probably to grab a collection and read several of his works.

The Legend of Sleepy Hollow by Washington Irving

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We all have some knowledge about the Headless Horseman, Ichabod Crane, and Sleepy Hollow, even if we've never read the original short story. It's hard not to, especially around Halloween. So go, read the original story and see if it's anything like the story you have in your head.

"The Judge's House" by Bram Stoker

Stoker didn't just write Dracula. He wrote several novels and many short stories, including one called "The Judge's House." It involves a bell rope, creepy paintings, and rats--rats everywhere. Just reading the story made me antsy because I wanted to scream at the character to run, to get out, to do something but let what will happen happen to him. Alas, he didn't listen to me.

The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde

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Youthful beauty, selling your soul, and a creepy painting? Yes, please! All of this and more are included in Oscar Wilde's popular story, The Picture of Dorian Gray. Add it to your list and get thee to a bookstore or library!

"My Last Duchess" and "Porphyria's Lover" by Robert Browning

If you like The Picture of Dorian Gray, you might be interested in reading the poem, "My Last Duchess" by Robert Browning, which also includes a creepy painting. That's basically where the similarities end, but still, Robert Browning's poems are bit on the spooky side. If you want more, read "Porphyria's Lover," which is about a man who strangles a girl with her own hair.

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë

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Another Gothic novel, Jane Eyre might not be as "spooky" as some of the others on this list, but it does have its moments. From drafty old houses to the "mad woman in the attic," this one might be the book for you if you want to dip your toes in Gothic or horror fiction without committing to something entirely scream-worthy.

"The Yellow Wallpaper" by Charlotte Perkins Gilman

If you like stories about the "mad woman in the attic," you should definitely read "The Yellow Wallpaper." This short story goes beyond horror and is a criticism of how women were treated in the 19th century, in regards to both their physical and mental health. It's thought to be one of the earliest works of American feminist literature, and it has quite a creepy feel to it as well.

What are your favorite spooky classics?

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How To Sound Well-Read With Less Than 7 Books

Everyone wants to sound smarter than they actually are. The one thing you can count on in life--other than death, taxes, and frozen pizza--is that everyone you speak to is pretending to know more than they actually do. There are, of course, many ways to go about this: irrational confidence, an air of mystery, straight-up lies. Or you could go with what I consider the best option. Actually gather enough knowledge that people just assume you know more than you're saying.

That's where I come in. If you ever want to sound well-read without actually having to read every single book, this is your pretty darn near perfect crash course in literature. You ready? Let's go!

Othello by William Shakespeare

First comes Shakespeare. Of course. You can't call yourself anywhere near well-read if you've never read Shakespeare or at least seen a faithfully adapted film. Of course everyone gets references to Romeo and Juliet, that doesn't help your status. Othello, on the other hand, is frequently referenced but not as widely read. So brush up on Iago and the Moor, and start impressing people with your knowledge of Shakespeare's plays.

For bonus points, start looking at people like this. (source)

Alternative: Watch The Hollow Crown. All of it. I mean, how can you go wrong with Tom Hiddleston, Benedict Cumberbatch, and Jeremy Irons?

Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen

Northanger Abbey is the shortest of Austen's novels. You're welcome. But it goes deeper than that: if people know you've read Northanger Abbey, they'll assume you've read Pride and Prejudice and also probably Sense and Sensibility or Emma. No one just reads Northanger Abbey. Except you!

And then watch the movie. How can you go wrong with these nerds? (source)

Alternative: Actually read Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility, and Emma.

Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë
or Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë

While we're on a great literary women kick, obviously the Brontës are on this list. You don't necessarily have to read both (though you should); one will do the trick to make you sound knowledgeable. Why isn't Anne Brontë on this list? Well, if you read The Tenant of Wildfell Hall without having read the other two, people would most likely just cock their heads and ask, "Why?" At which point you'd have to reveal that you read this list and you're not actually that well-read.

How could you resist these faces? (source)

Alternative: Read all the Brontës. Or at least the Sparknotes.

"Bartleby, the Scrivener" by Herman Melville

You can get away without reading Moby Dick. Let's be real. It's a really long and kind of arduous book. Luckily, Melville also wrote a bunch of kickass short stories and short novels that aren't nearly as long and arduous. My personal favorite is "Bartleby, the Scrivener." It is also, I believe, the most commonly referenced of Melville's shorter works.

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Alternative: Any of his other short stories or short novels. Google it.

"A Girl I Knew" by J.D. Salinger

Similarly, you can also get away without reading The Catcher in the Rye. Holden Caulfield is whiny and annoying. Salinger's short stories, in my opinion, are much, much better. If you can find it, "A Girl I Knew" is my favorite of his. It's also where this quote comes from:

She wasn’t doing a thing that I could see, except standing there leaning on the balcony railing, holding the universe together.

This beautiful piece of poignant prose. Seriously Salinger, why'd you give us Holden?

Why? (source)

Alternative: Any of his other short stories. Nine Stories is a great collection that you can find at most secondhand bookstores.

The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald

One you can't get away without reading, however, is The Great Gatsby. Believe me, I tried. I don't actually like this book. But it's one of the most popular classics and everyone knows about it. Gatsby and Daisy. East Egg, West Egg. Boats beating against the current. Etc. Etc. Once you finish it, you can reward yourself with watching Leo DiCaprio. And ice cream. Because why not.

Like this. But with you. (source)

Alternative: There aren't any. Just read it.

The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien

The Hobbit is more or less the quintessential fantasy book. And Tolkien is who all the great fantasy writers of today are compared to. And for good reason. His worlds are rich, his characters are honorable and yet still interesting, and his prose is fantastic. Hopefully, once you've read The Hobbit, you'll want to read the entire Lord of the Rings. But that's a big undertaking. I get it.

Heck, even a movie marathon is a big undertaking. (source)

Alternatives: A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle. The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis. Dune by Frank Herbert. One of the great classic fantasies.

Good Omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman

Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman are both big names in fantasy today. Even those who despise fantasy usually know their names. So knock out two birds with one stone! You've read the classic fantasy, now read a modern fantasy. At this point in the list, you'll be able to converse with both classic lit nerds and fantasy fanatics. One more section to hit, and you'll be able to convincingly fake your way through being incredibly well-read.

So good. (source)

Alternatives: Why would you want one? This book is freaking amazing.

"This Is Water" by David Foster Wallace

"This Is Water" is a speech David Foster Wallace gave at a graduation. Not only is he well-known with pretentious literary people, this essay is just genuinely good information to be reminded of. If you read nothing else on this list, read this. It's eight pages, and you can find it here.

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Alternative: Read Infinite Jest, I guess? I dunno. That book is like a bajillion pages.

Bonus: Poets 

Emily Dickinson, Charles Bukowski, Rainer Maria Rilke, 

Allen Ginsberg, Billy Collins, Maya Angelou, e.e. cummings 

Go to www.poetryfoundation.org. Look up these poets. Read three or four of their poems, and not just their immediately famous ones. Pick a few other poets. Read poems by them, too, and remember their names. Casually bring them up in conversation.

Congratulations! If you've made it this far, and you've decided to read everything I told you to, you are well on your way to not only sounding convincingly well-read, but actually being well-read. And, if you've already read all, or most, or even just one of the things on this list, I give you a round of applause. Reading is dope, man.

What other books would you add to this list?

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7 Shakespeare Adaptations Perfect for Girls' Night

 

A lot of people, when they hear "Shakespeare," let out a groan as they have flashbacks to high school English classes, picking apart Romeo and Juliet until a story about two stupid teenagers becomes an unnecessary metaphor for everything that exists. I was one of those until I opted to become an English major and had a professor who convinced me to love everything about the Bard. But even for those of you who still can't stand ye olde English and think Shakespeare is overrated, you'll still enjoy these adaptations, perfect to be enjoyed in your most comfy pajamas with a giant bowl of popcorn and few of your favorite girlfriends.

West Side Story

A favorite of musical lovers everywhere, West Side Story tells the story of Romeo and Juliet and their respective rival gangs in Manhattan, using unforgettable songs and choreographed dance numbers. This film will come snapping into your life and will never leave your heart.


Romeo + Juliet

You may or may not know of Baz Luhrmann, the brilliant mind behind Moulin Rouge!, Australia, and The Great Gatsby (2013), among others, but this eye-catching adaptation of Romeo and Juliet is one of his, set in modern day Verona Beach while keeping the original dialogue. Plus, Leonardo DiCaprio is in it. I mean, how can you go wrong with that?

10 Things I Hate About You

Julia Stiles and Heath Ledger star in this wonderful 90s adaptation of The Taming of the Shrew. Set in a high school, it tells the story of a counter-cultural, independent girl and the bad boy who's paid to take her out so her sister can date. It also features a baby Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who's just adorable.

She's the Man

Also set in a high school, this adaptation of Twelfth Night stars Amanda Bynes (before she went crazy) and the always beautiful Channing Tatum. Bynes plays Viola, a girl who enters a new school as her twin brother to play on the boys' soccer team. Hilarity ensues.

The Lion King

I know, I know, everyone has heard the whole "The Lion King is based on Hamlet!!" thing. But, like, it is. So, if you want to have a Shakespeare-themed night without actually watching Shakespeare, Disney's here to save the day. Plus, it's just a timeless classic. And it features the music of Elton John. You can never go wrong with this choice.

Coriolanus

This isn't a chick flick, because I'm not about judging what kinds of girls' nights you should have. And also it's just a really good film. Ralph Fiennes directs and stars in this modern adaptation of, you guessed it, Coriolanus. It uses the original dialogue but still manages to feel modern, a feat in and of itself.

The Hollow Crown

This is the most play-to-film adaptation on this list, so it might deter people who think they hate Shakespeare. However. It stars Tom Hiddleston, Benedict Cumberbatch, Ben Whishaw, and Jeremy Irons. So. Watch it. It's also made by the BBC, as if you needed any more reasons to watch it.

What's your favorite Shakespeare film adaptation?

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10 Winnie-the-Pooh Quotes to Make Life Better

On January 18, 1882, A.A. Milne, creator of the Winnie-the-Pooh stories, was born in Hampstead, United Kingdom. Thus, January 18 is officially Winnie-the-Pooh Day. As a longtime fan of Winnie-the-Pooh (ever since I can remember I would watch the movie and show with my grandma), I re-read the original story collection and found the pages brimming with insightful quotes and inspirational delights. Here are ten quotes from Pooh and Co. that I found utterly delightful and worth sharing in celebration of this "silly old bear."

If you need a bit of motivation while performing your workout routine, Pooh has the perfect song to help you with your "Stoutness Exercises":

Tra-la-la, tra-la-la,
Tra-la-la, tra-la-la,
Rum-tum-tiddle-um-tum,
Tiddle-iddle, tiddle-iddle,
Tiddle-iddle, tiddle-iddle,
Rum-tum-tum-tiddle-tum.

Isn't it the cutest?

Pooh has a plethora of wisdom to offer for a bear with stuffing for brains, especially in regards to the most important question of the day. 

"When you wake up in the morning, Pooh," said Piglet at last, "What's the first thing you say to yourself?"
"What's for breakfast?" said Pooh

I, too, ask such important questions in the early hours of the time.

Piglet also has some life wisdom that we can all benefit from remembering.

Piglet: "It's so much more friendly with two."

Everything is better with a friend by your side. It's touching he has many wonderful friends to choose from.

Despite his gloomy outlook on life, Eeyore has a few reasonable words to contribute.

Eeyore: "Brains first and then Hard Work."

Without brains, the hard work just won't get done. I think we all need to make sure we have our brains in proper order before beginning a task.

Piglet reminds us that sometimes in life all you need is a hand to hold.

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind.
"Pooh!" he said.
"Yes, Piglet?"
"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw. "I just wanted to be sure of you." 

Doesn't it just melt your heart?

If you're feeling a bit downtrodden because of winter, Eeyore has an interesting perspective on the weather.

"It's snowing still," said Eeyore gloomily. 
"So it is."
"And freezing."
"Is it?"
"Yes," said Eeyore. "However," he said, brightening up a little, "we haven't had an earthquake lately."

Thanks, Eeyore, for looking at the bright side.

If you need a little wisdom about how to treat others, no matter who they are or where they come from, Pooh has the answer for you.

"You can't help respecting anybody who can spell TUESDAY, even if he doesn't spell it right."

Stories meant for children always seem to make simple, everyday things more important and thoughtful.

As a writer and lover of language, Pooh reminds me why I shouldn't get too frustrated when trying to write.

Pooh: "But it isn't easy because Poetry and Hums aren't things which you get, they're things which get you."

Truer words have never been spoken. Am I right?

Pooh also understands how it feels to put your thoughts into spoken words.

"Because when you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed Very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it."

I just love this line because, as an introvert, I highly relate to this moment. Who knew that a children's story simplifying ideas into "Thingish Things" could be so touching?

And the most important quote of all...

Eeyore: "A little Consideration, a little Thought for Others, makes all the difference."

Thanks, Eeyore, for you extraordinary wisdom. If only more of us were like you.

If you're looking for more Winnie-the-Pooh fun, here are more ideas to spend your day:

• Watch a Winnie-the-Pooh movie (or the Russian Winnie-the-Pooh episodes)
• Make a trap for Heffalumps
• Eat a smackeral of honey
• Read the original stories by A.A. Milne
• Play Pooh Sticks
• Go on an expedition to the North Pole

And remember:

"Where they go, and whatever happens to them on the way, in that enchanted place on the top of the Forest, a little boy and his Bear will always be playing."

All quotes and pictures from The Complete Tales of Winnie-the-Pooh by A.A. Milne, published in 1994 by Dutton Children's Books. 

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5 Retellings of Wuthering Heights That Are Actually Worth Your Time

Wuthering Heights is one of those books that deserves the title of classic. It's the favorite of many a fictional misunderstood protagonist and, whether you love it or hate it, you have to admit there's something intriguing about the dark, twisted tale of revenge where no one is a hero and every character is a varying degree of unlikable.

The most intriguing thing about Emily Brontë's famous novel is not that Heathcliff is frequently featured on lists of most romantic bad boys (seriously, girls, why?), but that no one has yet been able to turn this seemingly simple story into a film. Many have tried, but none get it quite right. It's that pesky Heathcliff. No actor is that cruel, that totally single-mindedly obsessed to accurately portray the walking emotional wreck that is Heathcliff. (Goodness knows Tom Hardy couldn't.)

But, here are a few retellings and adaptations that, while they may not have gotten Heathcliff and the feel of the novel completely right, give an interesting take and are actually worth checking out, even if you're not a huge fan of the original.

Catherine by April Lindner

Buy it here.

Catherine is a modern YA retelling set in a New York City nightclub. It alternates telling the story of Catherine and Catherine's daughter, Chelsea, who's looking for her long-disappeared mother. If you're a diehard fan of Wuthering Heights, you may not enjoy this book much. Lindner makes the story her own, but she does it in such a way that a casual fan really wouldn't mind. It's intriguing and well-written with an unexpected ending, and definitely worth a read. (As are Lindner's other retellings, Jane and Love, Lucy.)

The Lost Child by Caryl Phillips

Buy it here.

Confession: I haven't actually read all of this novel. So take this recommendation with a grain of salt. But the parts of it I did read before the library wanted it back and life got hectic were grippingly written and worth reading. This novel tells the story of a young Heathcliff before he was taken in by the Earnshaws, weaving it together with multiple other stories, including that of the Brontë sisters themselves. It is its own story, but it draws heavily from Wuthering Heights, thus making it an interesting read for anyone who read the novel and wanted more.

Wuthering High School

Buy it here.

Okay, so this is a Lifetime movie set in a high school. Don't hate me. But it's actually the closest adaptation to the spirit of Wuthering Heights that I've found, and I've gone through a lot of them. It's full of over-the-top angst and melodramatic characters and "what is even going on right now" scenes, but hey, so was Wuthering Heights. You probably won't enjoy the movie as something you'd eat with popcorn and settle in to watch on a cold winter's night (because melodrama and angst don't really make for a gripping film), but if you like Wuthering Heights, or even if you hated it and just liked to mock it, you should definitely check this movie out.

Wuthering Heights: A Weather Primer

Buy it here.

Jennifer Adams takes classic novels and turns them into baby board books, and it's one of the most adorable things out there. I bought my nephew three of them for Christmas. They each have a theme: Moby Dick names things in the ocean, Emma shows different emotions, and Pride and Prejudice teaches numbers, to name a few. Wuthering Heights pairs quotes from the novel with types of weather, and it's a must-have for any baby or toddler in your life. Introduce them to the classics while they're young.

Wuthering Heights: The Musical

Someone did this. Someone took the story of Wuthering Heights and thought, "Huh. I should make a musical out of this." Sadly, after months of trying, I still haven't been able to get my hands on a copy, but here's a sneak peek from YouTube:

If you can find it, please let me know where in the comments!

Bonus: Wuthering Nights

Buy it here, if you must.

Yes, this exists. No, it's not even remotely worth your time. It's terrible. I just think it's hilarious.

Have you read or seen any of these? Do you think I missed any?

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7 Last-Minute Literary Costumes

Ah, Halloween. That time of year when people can dress like sluts and drink the night away and not be judged for it. Or, for some of us, the panic-inducing time of year in which we know we’ll have to go to parties and be judged specifically on what we’re wearing.

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If you put in too much effort and it doesn't turn out just right, you feel like an absolute failure--the (nonexistent) judgmental glances of your peers poking so many holes in your self-esteem that your psyche starts to look like Charlie Brown’s ghost. But on the flip side, if you don't put any effort and don't have a good enough explanation as to what you are, people give you that little pitying smile and (at least in your head) start to wonder why they invited you anywhere. It's a fine line to walk.

You don't want to be cliche, you don't really want to spend three weeks making a costume you can only wear once, and you don't particularly want to dress like a slutty anything. So what do you do?

Which is... not much, at this point. And better spent reading. (source)

You dress like a literary character, of course. Here are seven literary costumes that won't take you more than one five-minute trip to the thrift store to complete with foolproof explanations that are guaranteed* to put you on even footing with everyone else at the party--or at least help you find the other literary nerds so you can venture together to find the host’s dog and bond over how much you hate parties.

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Bonus: These probably won't win you the costume contest, so no extra undue attention!

*Guarantee is based on participant's social standing, ability to interact with people, sense of humor, and ability to recognize a joke, among other things.

7. Tricia McMillan

Who: Trillian is pretty much the only female character in Douglas Adams’s The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. She was picked up at an earth party--in every sense of the word--by Zaphod Beeblebrox before setting out on a space voyage. (She was also played by Zooey Deschanel in the movie, but we're going to pretend that didn't happen. The movie. And her being in the movie.)

Just, no. To all of it. (source)

How: Put on a party dress. Or even just jeans and a sparkly top--really just whatever you can find in your closet that looks vaguely party-esque--and carry around two white mice. You could get real ones, but that might not go over well with your host. So you can find fake ones here or here.

What to Say: "Are you from another planet? No? Ah, well. You're of no interest to me. I'm Trillian, by the way."

6. Arthur Dent

Who: Like Trillian, Arthur is a character from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. He's an unwilling hitchhiker on the spaceship The Heart of Gold who really just wants a good cup of tea.

How: Wear an old, comfy bathrobe over pajama pants. Carry a towel. Make yourself a cup of tea and carry that around, too. It's pretty much the comfiest costume ever.

Unlike Zooey, Martin was a perfect casting choice. (source)

What to Say: "Don't panic." If they still don't get it, they're really not worth your time.

5. Joseph

Who: Joseph is a servant at Wuthering Heights. He's an irritable, bible-thumping, all-around unpleasant fellow.

How: Wear your dirtiest yard work clothes, carry around a Bible, and when people you dislike try to engage you in conversation, just start going off in an unintelligible Yorkshire accent. You can find a quick(ish) tutorial here.

What to Say: "Yah're a nowt, and it's no use talking—yah'll niver mend o'yer ill ways, but goa raight to t' divil, like yer mother afore ye!"

4. Basil Hallward

Who: Basil is the underappreciated man who painted the picture of Dorian Gray. A friend of Lord Henry--the man who started Dorian's life on a downward spiral--Basil is shy, awkward, and devoted (probably to an unhealthy degree) to Dorian Gray.

Awkward and smitten. The easiest fangirl costume ever. (source)

How: Grab a paintbrush and a thrift store portrait and follow your loud, opinionated friend around. Bonus points if the portrait looks like your friend.

What to Say: *quietly* "I've put too much of myself in my work. I couldn't possibly explain it to you." Then let the opinionated friend take over.

3. Moby Dick

Who: The great White Whale is the ever-present force in his eponymous novel by Herman Melville.

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How: Wear all white, pick the person(s) at the party you most don't want to talk to, and spend the entirety of the party running away from them. If they get too close, punch them.

What to Say: "Moby Dick, man. Is that---? Catch ya later!"

2. Holden Caulfield

Who: Holden Caulfield is the main character and narrator of The Catcher in the Rye.

How: Put an ugly, red deer hunting hat on your head and a rather large chip on your shoulder and walk around spewing teenage philosophies using grammar bad enough to show just how many schools you've been kicked out of.

What to Say: "If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don't feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth."

1. Bartleby

Who: A lesser-known short story by Herman Melville, "Bartleby, the Scrivener" is about a scrivener named Bartleby who refuses to do anything.

How: Wear whatever you want, just respond to every request with “I would prefer not to.” Occasionally opt to do nothing but stare at the wall.

What to Say: "I would prefer not to." Or buy a shirt that says it for you here.

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But, most important of all, take your character’s book with you this Halloween. Take it in part to help explain your costume, but mostly because parties get boring and it's always nice to have something to do that doesn't involve talking to people or eating stale chips.

Which literary character will you go as this Halloween?

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