Being a Kpopper comes with certain side effects. They aren't necessarily the ones you'd expect - they don't include sudden cravings for live octopus [yes it's a thing], but you find certain changes happening to your life that tend to throw everyone around you into confusion. [Sometimes they back away slowly. If anyone remains standing, they're a good candidate for indoctrination - or maybe they've already been indoctrinated, and if so, you have a new friend for life.] If you think you may know a Kpopper, or are questioning whether you are one, take a look at this list of symptoms.
• Your English gets worse. You find yourself calling waffles 'waffurs,' calling wolves 'ulfs,' saying 'shut your tongue' instead of 'be quiet,' and saying 'ayyy gurrrl' instead of 'hello.'
• Your Korean, however, gets better. Instead of telling someone you're frustrated, you say 'michin go gata.' Instead of calling someone an idiot, you say 'pabo.' You say 'saranghae' instead of 'I love you,' and you greet people with 'annyeong' instead of 'hello.' Bonus points if you answer the phone with an automatic 'yoboseyeo,' say 'omo' when you're surprised or excited, or snap 'AISH' when things go wrong.
• You can't look at certain things the same way anymore. A key is not a key, it's a singer. Thunder is not a weather phenomenon, it's a singer. Rain is not precipitation, it's a singer. Even bacon is no longer the same.
• You have inside jokes with yourself regarding Kpop. "Wow, wonderful, great," you whisper to yourself, and chuckle. Someone might live something, "but not as much as Tao loves Gucci," you snicker. "I have jams," you chortle as you eat a slice of toast. Bonus points if you're amused every time it's 2pm.
• Your family can't understand a single thing you sing in the shower. Or anywhere else, for that matter. Not that you don't try to translate for them when they ask.
• You always have the right lyric for any appropriate situation. And some inappropriate ones.
• You respond to the question 'who's your favorite rapper?' with 'Bang Yongguk/insert any Korean rapper here.'
• Your dance skills have improved immensely - or at least, your knowledge of them has.
• You regard every dance competition with 'they wouldn't last a second against SHINee.' [Or INFININTE.]
• You relate to three or more of these points. If so, CONGRATULATIONS! You're a Kpopper. If you relate to fewer than three, congratulations are still in order - you're on your way.
Have more symptoms? List them in a comment!